Nightmare of a Sunday

**TMI warning. If you don't want to read about it don't read this post. This is a journal for me as well as family to follow us.**

So last Sunday was the worst day of our lives. We never want to repeat that day if at all possible! We were expecting our sweet baby in September (not sure if I had blogged about it yet). Anyway, we were looking so forward to welcoming this new blessing into our lives.

Well, Friday started off normal until the evening. I started having some bleeding. This wasn't to concerning because I had a pocket of blood next to my amniotic sack. My doctor confirmed that and told me not to worry. Saturday the bleeding continued, and into Sunday. I woke up Sunday after sleeping in until 11:30am with some cramping. This is definitely something you DON'T want to experience while preggers. I texted my girlfriend and she urged me to go into the ER. I didn't want to of course because I would have to figure where to have my kids go, and I didn't want to come to grips just yet about what was actually happening.

John came in to discuss the grocery list and saw me leaning over our bed. I was hurting. John could tell. He came over and asked if I was ok, which of course I wasn't. He hugged me, told me we were going to the ER and it was non-negotiable. So John ran the kids to my friends, came home got me and headed to the ER. We got there and checked me in and got to our room. When we walked in, the nurse who was in the room asked, "so what's going on today?" I burst into tears. John told her we were thinking I was going through a miscarriage.

They got me into the gurney, I calmed down so I could answer questions and they did a fetal heart tones. Nothing. That was devastating. They kept saying that its hard to find and that they have a better machine. They were saying it could be a UTI. I knew it wasn't. While we were waiting for what came next (doctor's exam, pelvic etc.) I felt like I had to go to the bathroom, lots of pressure and cramps. I walked to the bathroom and as I walked in felt a gush. Luckily the nurse was already walking my way. She looked at me, I said help, she got me situated to get back to my room. As I walked into my room, the 2nd gush. My heart dropped. After the nurses got me cleaned up and into bed they had the doctor come in to do the pelvic. He confirmed that it was a complete miscarriage meaning I wouldn't need a D&C. Thankfully.

He was very sweet. John was amazing. I was a wreck. Once we were discharged and got home I stayed in bed for the rest of the night. John took off Monday and took care of me. My energy was zapped, I was mourning the loss of our baby, our future, our newest blessing and my kids were heartbroken, especially Brookie who kept saying; "I don't want the baby to leave." H.E.A.R.T.B.R.E.A.K.I.N.G.

It was an emotional week. For someone who doesn't cry, I sure cried A LOT. Now that we are a week out things seem a little more normal. I'm still sad and asking a million and ten questions but I know that this little one was only in my belly for 11 weeks 6 days for a reason. We will never forget our little peanut. We chose a name, Riley Vitus. We are getting tattoos for this baby. We never knew if it were a boy or a girl but we want to commemorate him/her. We will always have sweet Riley in our hearts. Thanks to everyone for listening (I'm a talker it helps me), for being there, your kind words, prayers, etc. They have meant the world to us!! We love you all!